Archive for funny

Even A Broken Clock Is Right Twice A Day

Posted in humor, story with tags , , , , , on July 16, 2011 by Tim R Wilson

Another short story from last term ….

Even A Broken Clock Is Right Twice A Day

It all started like clockwork …

We met on a soft summer day and everything fell into place. Melting into your arms was so easy and I fit so effortlessly into the curve of your being. Our lips were compelled and we must have disgusted friends and family with the intensity of our delight.  It was as though a mathematician had surely planned our affair. Everything was paced, week after week, month after month. The pinpoints of our love fell as deftly as the marks on a timeline. Tick tock. We interlocked like gears in a well-oiled machine, moving in grace and harmony, driving headlong beautifully and rhythmically. We came together like clockwork.

It was flawless.

We were perfect.

Looking back it seems that it was this immediate perfection that fated us. Really, how long can two people last, so passionately and fervently in love? How could it not be but to burn out or burn down? By the time we reinforced that perfection into the most secure of rapports, we found ourselves thoroughly trapped within it.

And we stopped like clockwork. There was a time to be together, and a time for it not. And that time came as consistently and as predictably as the clock striking midnight.

We disconnected as completely as we had joined together. I seemed to have no trouble putting you out of my mind, and you didn’t seem to as well. In fact there have been cycles of time in which I have forgotten about you completely. But then again, something inexplicable would once again remind me of you and there I’d be yet again, trekking over earth cultivated with the most exquisite memories. Like clockwork.

Yes, it was probably best that we concluded when we did. But you know there are just those times I just have to wonder but to think that things could have been different. Sometimes I, at the most mystifying of times like when brushing my teeth, or feeding quarters into the dryer at the all night Laundromat, for a lingering moment, convinced we should be together. At that instant, I’m was as positive as I am midnight comes after eleven o’clock …

You know Precious how that timeworn saying goes … Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

one way or another

Posted in humor, odds and ends with tags , on March 5, 2011 by Tim R Wilson

I’m sure those of us who are married or otherwise in a committed relationship, have felt this way a time or two …

 

The Glenn Beck Conspiracy Theory Generator

Posted in humor, odds and ends with tags , , , on February 26, 2011 by Tim R Wilson

http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&global=1&q=conspiracy#/d2aqs4v

Glenn Beck is an amazing figure in our American culture to be sure. Seemingly over the years, the sense of dread and the ratcheting up of his unspiritual tone has increased dramatically. So much so this generator has been developed as a parody. Strangely, a lot of these “conspiracies” sound alot like the ones he has been peddling on his show …

Here is the link. Enjoy!

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/bl-glenn-beck-conspiracy.htm?PS=683%2C601%2C701%2C242%3A7

Fair and balanced paranoia indeed!

Ladies Room

Posted in humor with tags , on February 20, 2011 by Tim R Wilson

I don’t often tell jokes on this blog …. But here goes it …

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

 

“Are you the manager?” she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

“Actually, no,” he replied.

“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathed the bartender, obviously becoming aroused. “Is there anything I can do?” 

“Yes. I need for you to give him a message,” she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

“What should I tell him?” the bartender managed to say.

“Tell him,” she whispered, “there’s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room!”

 

Image: http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&q=ladies+room#/d1ssi0j

feel like there’s a battle going on in your computer?

Posted in humor, odds and ends with tags , , on November 16, 2010 by Tim R Wilson

Others feel the SAME way! Check it out here:

http://www.xs4all.nl/~jvdkuyp/flash/see.htm

Flirt to Convert

Posted in Christianity, humor, odds and ends, religion with tags , , , , , on October 24, 2010 by Tim R Wilson

I came across this site calling all “hot women of the Lord” to missionary dating! Here is the link to the site:

http://datetosave.com/

And here is the profile of the lady who runs the site:

Hello, my name is Tamara! As you can probably tell, I’m a Christian woman who loves Jesus Christ and cares for all humans, even the wicked. What you probably don’t know is that I’m hot. My picture below isn’t really that good. I want to use my beauty for GOD, and want to encourage Christian women (my sisters in Christ) to do the same, according to the Great Commission.

Any thoughts on this …. ummmmmm … endeavor?

What if Sarah Palin was your mother?

Posted in humor, odds and ends, quizzes with tags , , , , , on September 15, 2010 by Tim R Wilson

Ever wonder … What would your name be if Sarah Palin was your mother? Sarah Palin has picked out an All-American set of names for her children. There’s Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow, and Piper. Well now you can find out  yours!


Click here: Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator – Cult of Personality

My result: Tim, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Jeep Pike PalinMore