Archive for joke

Cow and Pig

Posted in humor, odds and ends with tags , on March 27, 2011 by Tim R Wilson

A probably not so PC a joke, but I’ll put it out there anyways …

On a trip together, a Hindu, a rabbi and a lawyer stop at a farmhouse and ask to stay the night. There’s space for two, but one will have to sleep in the barn. 

“I’ll go,” the Hindu volunteers. A few minutes later, the lawyer and the rabbi hear a knock.

“There’s a cow in the barn,” the Hindu says. “A cow is sacred, and I cannot sleep with a sacred beast.”

“No problem, I can do it,” the rabbi says, grabbing his pillow. But minutes later, the rabbi knocks.

“There’s a pig in the barn. It’s an unclean animal- my belief forbids me to be near such a creature,”

With a tired sigh, the lawyer heads out. Almost immediately, there’s a third knock at the door.

… It’s the cow and the pig.

Cats and Dogs

Posted in humor, odds and ends with tags , , , , , , on April 19, 2010 by Tim R Wilson

Adam and Eve said, “Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.”

And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”

And God said, “No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.”

And God said, “No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.”

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them.
And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded
that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn’t care one way or the other.

~Author Unknown

“I should have taken the money.”

Posted in humor, odds and ends with tags , , on February 27, 2010 by Tim R Wilson

A joke of sorts …

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.

Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.

“Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.

One of his colleagues whispers, “Say something.”

The dean sighs and says, “I should have taken the money.”

Author Unknown

Sure Is Hot Down Here!

Posted in Christian, humor with tags , , , on August 31, 2009 by Tim R Wilson

The_Arrival_by_keepwalking07

Sorry if you have read this a million times…I just got it in an e-mail, and thought it was really cute:

The Importance of Using Correct E-mail Addresses

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife a e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been ‘called home to glory’ following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

 ——————————————————————————–

 To: My Loving Wife From: Your Departed Husband Subject:

I’ve Arrived!

I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. – Sure is hot down here.

Another St Peter Joke

Posted in Christian, humor, odds and ends with tags , , on August 12, 2009 by Tim R Wilson

The_Holy_Kingdom_by_AmericanCure

There is a knock on the pearly gates. St. Peter looks out and a man is standing there. St. Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears. A moment later there’s another knock. St. Peter gets the door, sees the man, opens his mouth to speak, but the man disappears again. “Hey, are you playing games with me?” St. Peter calls after him, annoyed. “No,” the man’s distant voice replies anxiously. “They’re trying to resuscitate me.”