Archive for jokes

Another St Peter Joke

Posted in Christian, humor, odds and ends with tags , , on August 12, 2009 by Tim R Wilson

The_Holy_Kingdom_by_AmericanCure

There is a knock on the pearly gates. St. Peter looks out and a man is standing there. St. Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears. A moment later there’s another knock. St. Peter gets the door, sees the man, opens his mouth to speak, but the man disappears again. “Hey, are you playing games with me?” St. Peter calls after him, annoyed. “No,” the man’s distant voice replies anxiously. “They’re trying to resuscitate me.”

Violation of Federal Law

Posted in humor, odds and ends with tags , on July 21, 2009 by Tim R Wilson

The other day I opened a new box of anti-viral kleenex and as I pulled the top off, a notice that said, “see bottom of box for directions for use” caught my eye. This might be interesting …

I thought that had some serious laugh potential, so I turned the box over to see how exactly I was supposed to blow my nose and/or wipe my eyes, and found this warning:

“Directions for Use: It is a federal violation of Federal law to use this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling. Use only as a facial tissue.”

Scary.

What if I use one to dust my keyboard?!?!!?!?
What if I use one to…?!?!!?!?

So now… tell me… how have YOU violated the Federal law lately?
Do YOU use Kleenex improperly?!?!!?!?!?

I PROMISE you; I’m SERIOUS! This was a REAL note on a REAL box of kleenex!!!!!

Lawbreaking Tim, who will now try to refrain from using Kleenex to clean his glasses …

Speaking English

Posted in humor with tags , , on March 21, 2009 by Tim R Wilson

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WATCH WHAT YOU EAT

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer attacks than Americans.

5. Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and suffer fewer attacks than Americans

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you .