Ever catch ALL the fish?

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”

“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.

“Ummm, yeah… so,” the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, “Ever catch ALL the fish?”

A couple of interesting if strange quotes …

A couple of quotes to make you go hmmmmm ……..

All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.

Cyril Connolly (1903 – 1974), Enemies of Promise (1938)

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

John Benfield

Improve Your Sex Life With Goat Weed?

Used for over 2,000 years in China, Yin Yang Huo, known here as Horny Goat Weed, has been used to improve energy and the sex lives of both men and women. The leaves of the plant contain a variety of flavonoids, one of which icarin, is believed to play a role in restoring sexual interest, boost erectile function, allay fatigue and alleviate menopausal discomfort. In the legend of Ying Yang Huo, the leaves were purportedly the food of the ying yang, a mythical beast which achieved 100 sexual climaxes a day! It has a honored place in traditional Chinese medicine naturally.

In the United States, goat weed has become somewhat of a phenomenon, and according to this article, science is beginning to back that claim. In a study by Dr. Steven Lamm and Gerald Secor Cousins, 25 healthy men and 13 men who used Viagra received doses of the product for 45 days, then 60 days. Results of the double blind study showed that daily use of the herb resulted in the sexual enhancement in 60% of healthy males and 45% of the men using Viagra. Considering the long history of positive results and this study is the indication it just might work! I have a friend who says they can’t keep the stuff stocked at the local Wal Mart! More studies obviously are being conducted to support these conclusions.

http://health.blogs.foxnews.com/2009/11/04/improve-your-sex-life-with-horny-goat-weed/

How many Cannibal’s could your body feed?

This just may be one of the most unusual quizzes posted yet! However …According to the site, it’s “the most important questions you’ll ever ask yourself” Anyways, here goes it …

http://www.oneplusyou.com/q/v/cannibal_lunch

My result:

Alrighty then

Red Riding Hood ~ PC Version

There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as “mother”, although she didn’t mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a close biological link did not in fact exist. Nor did she intend to denigrate the equal value of nontraditional households, although she was sorry if this was the impression conveyed.

One day her mother asked her to take a basket of organically grown fruit and mineral water to her grandmother’s house. “But mother, won’t this be stealing work from the unionized people who have struggled for years to earn the right to carry all packages between various people in the woods?” Red Riding Hood’s mother assured her that she had called the union boss and gotten a special compassionate mission exemption form. “But mother, aren’t you oppressing me by ordering me to do this?” Red Riding Hood’s mother pointed out that it was impossible for womyn to oppress each other, since all womyn were equally oppressed until all womyn were free.

“But mother, then shouldn’t you have my brother carry the basket, since he’s an oppressor, and should learn what it’s like to be oppressed?” And Red Riding Hood’s mother explained that her brother was attending a special rally for animal rights, and besides, this wasn’t stereotypical womyn’s work, but an empowering deed that would help engender a feeling of community.

“But won’t I be oppressing Grandma, by implying that she’s sick and hence unable to independently further her own selfhood?” But Red Riding Hood’s mother explained that her grandmother wasn’t actually sick or incapacitated or mentally handicapped in any way, although that was not to imply that any of these conditions were inferior to what some people called “health”. Thus Red Riding Hood felt that she could get behind the idea of delivering the basket to her grandmother, and so she set off.

Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place, but Red Riding Hood knew that this was an irrational fear based on cultural paradigms instilled by a patriarchal society that regarded the natural world as an exploitable resource, and hence believed that natural predators were in fact intolerable competitors. Other people avoided the woods for fear of thieves and deviants, but Red Riding Hood felt that in a truly classless society all marginalized peoples would be able to “come out” of the woods and be accepted as valid lifestyle role models.

On her way to Grandma’s house, Red Riding Hood passed a woodchopper, and wandered off the path, in order to examine some flowers. She was startled to find herself standing before a Wolf, who asked her what was in her basket. Red Riding Hood’s teacher had warned her never to talk to strangers, but she was confident in taking control of her own budding sexuality, and chose to dialogue with the Wolf. She replied, “I am taking my Grandmother some healthful snacks in a gesture of solidarity.” The Wolf said, “You know, my dear, it isn’t safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone.” Red Riding Hood said, “I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop an alternative and yet entirely valid worldview. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I would prefer to be on my way.”

Red Riding Hood returned to the main path, and proceeded towards her Grandmother’s house. But because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma’s house. He burst into the house and ate Grandma, a course of action affirmative of his nature as a predator. Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist gender role notions, he put on Grandma’s nightclothes, crawled under the bedclothes, and awaited developments.

Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, “Grandma, I have brought you some cruelty free snacks to salute you in your role of wise and nurturing matriarch.” The Wolf said softly “Come closer, child, so that I might see you.” Red Riding Hood said, “Goddess! Grandma, what big eyes you have!” “You forget that I am optically challenged.” “And Grandma, what an enormous, what a fine nose you have.” “Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting career, but I didn’t give in to such societal pressures, my child.” “And Grandma, what very big, sharp teeth you have!”

The Wolf could not take any more of these racist slurs, and, in a reaction appropriate for his accustomed milieu, he leaped out of bed, grabbed Little Red Riding Hood, and opened his jaws so wide that she could see her poor Grandmother cowering in his belly. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” Red Riding Hood bravely shouted. “You must request my permission before proceeding to a new level of intimacy!”

The Wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened his grasp on her. At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage, brandishing an ax. “Hands off!” cried the woodchopper. “And what do you think you’re doing?” cried Little Red Riding Hood. “If I let you help me now, I would be expressing a lack of confidence in my own abilities, which would lead to poor self esteem and lower achievement scores on college entrance exams.”

“Last chance, sister! Get your hands off that endangered species! This is an FBI sting!” screamed the woodchopper, and when Little Red Riding Hood nonetheless made a sudden motion, he sliced off her head. “Thank goodness you got here in time,” said the Wolf. “The brat and her grandmother lured me in here. I thought I was a goner.” “No, I think I’m the real victim, here,” said the woodchopper. “I’ve been dealing with my anger ever since I saw her picking those protected flowers earlier. And now I’m going to have such a trauma. Do you have any aspirin?”

“Sure,” said the Wolf. “Thanks.” “I feel your pain,” said the Wolf, and he patted the woodchopper on his firm, well padded back, gave a little belch, and said, “Do you have any Maalox?”

-Author Unknown

Beer Is Good For Your Bones?

Beer has turned out to be a significant source of dietary silicon which is considered a major ingredient in healthy bones. Charles Bamforth and Tony Casey, of the Department of Food Science and technology at the University of California at Davis, tested over 100 commercial beers purchased from grocery stores and reported their findings in the February issue of the Journal of the Science of Food and Technology. The silicon content of the brews ranged from 6.4mg/L to a whopping 56.5 mg/L. It was also found that lighter pale colored malts had more silicon than the darker, more heavily roasted products.

However the FDA does not have any recommended levels for silicon currently and American consume on average between 20 to 50 mg each day. A couple of beers a day could double that! Of course it should be pointed out that numerous other studies show that the benefits of alcohol are limited to one or two drinks a day and more than that put one at risk of adverse effects from alcohol. In other words choose the beer you enjoy, drink it in moderation in the knowledge it is contributing silicon and more to your good health, including your bones!

Source:

http://www.examiner.com/x-8543-SF-Health-News-Examiner~y2010m2d10-Beer-is-good-for-your-bones

you shouldn’t stand in water during a thunderstorm

Remember what your mom said about standing in water during a thunderstorm …. This just in from Yahoo …

6-story Jesus statue in Ohio struck by lightning

 

MONROE, Ohio – A six-story-tall statue of Jesus Christ with his arms raised along a highway was struck by lightning in a thunderstorm Monday night and burned to the ground, police said.

The “King of Kings” statue, one of southwest Ohio’s most familiar landmarks, had stood since 2004 at the evangelical Solid Rock Church along Interstate 75 in Monroe, just north of Cincinnati.

The lightning strike set the statue ablaze around 11:15 p.m., Monroe police dispatchers said.

 

The sculpture, 62 feet tall and 40 feet wide at the base, showed Jesus from the torso up and was nicknamed Touchdown Jesus because of the way the arms were raised, similar to a referee signaling a touchdown. It was made of plastic foam and fiberglass over a steel frame, which is all that remained early Tuesday.

The fire spread from the statue to an adjacent amphitheater but was confined to the attic area, and no one was injured, police Chief Mark Neu said. The fire department would release a monetary damage estimate Tuesday, he said.

Travelers on Interstate 75 often were startled to come upon the huge statue by the roadside, but many said America needs more symbols like it. So many people stopped at the church campus that church officials had to build a walkway to accommodate them.

 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_lightning_strikes_jesus_statue

 

Which era are you from???

You know …. When you are 54 and have kids, even grandkids … The kiddles just love to needle a man on how old they are. Just must be part of the territory! My daughter has been motivated to send me this quiz to “prove” that I’m not nearly as up to date as I think I am. Well lets see ….

http://quizilla.teennick.com/quizzes/16707302/which-era-are-you-from

My result:

70’s

You are very hip, and you love peace signs and are carefree!!

E-gads she’s right!!!! lol

What Font Are You?

Arg! Another stupid quiz about nothing.

I must take it!

Click here: Quiz – What Font Are You? (Standard Fonts) – Quizilla Quizzes

My result:

Arial – You’re pretty normal. That’s certainly not a bad thing, as a lot of people like you.

Arial??? How boring ….

A Bit of a Nut?

There is always someone around who will think of you as a little bit nutzo. It’s a matter of perspective I guess … Anyways … This lil quiz caught my eye …

You Are a Hazelnut

You are very unique and distinct. You may even freak some people out.

Most people don’t really know how to interact with you.

You get along best with anyone who is super sweet.

But you really do get along with almost anyone. You just need a chance to wow them.

Wow … This thing was kinda right on! lol