Category: humor
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Cow and Pig
A probably not so PC a joke, but I’ll put it out there anyways …
On a trip together, a Hindu, a rabbi and a lawyer stop at a farmhouse and ask to stay the night. There’s space for two, but one will have to sleep in the barn.
“I’ll go,” the Hindu volunteers. A few minutes later, the lawyer and the rabbi hear a knock.
“There’s a cow in the barn,” the Hindu says. “A cow is sacred, and I cannot sleep with a sacred beast.”
“No problem, I can do it,” the rabbi says, grabbing his pillow. But minutes later, the rabbi knocks.
“There’s a pig in the barn. It’s an unclean animal- my belief forbids me to be near such a creature,”
With a tired sigh, the lawyer heads out. Almost immediately, there’s a third knock at the door.
… It’s the cow and the pig.
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one way or another
I’m sure those of us who are married or otherwise in a committed relationship, have felt this way a time or two …
Glenn Beck is an amazing figure in our American culture to be sure. Seemingly over the years, the sense of dread and the ratcheting up of his unspiritual tone has increased dramatically. So much so this generator has been developed as a parody. Strangely, a lot of these “conspiracies” sound alot like the ones he has been peddling on his show …
Here is the link. Enjoy!
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/bl-glenn-beck-conspiracy.htm?PS=683%2C601%2C701%2C242%3A7
Fair and balanced paranoia indeed!
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Ladies Room
I don’t often tell jokes on this blog …. But here goes it …
A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
“Are you the manager?” she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, no,” he replied.
“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathed the bartender, obviously becoming aroused. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes. I need for you to give him a message,” she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
“What should I tell him?” the bartender managed to say.
“Tell him,” she whispered, “there’s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room!”
Image: http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=ladies+room#/d1ssi0j
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Virtual Priest?
Something interesting I found on my Times Reader this morning …
App Can’t Replace Confession, Vatican Says
By LAURIE GOODSTEIN
Published: February 9, 2011
A new application being sold on iTunes, “Confession: a Roman Catholic App,” cannot be used as a substitute for confession with a priest, the Vatican said Wednesday. The application was developed by American entrepreneurs with the help of two priests and the blessing of a bishop. It features a questionnaire of sins, and is promoted as a tool both to revive interest in confession and to help Catholics prepare for the sacrament. But some media reports cast the app as a “virtual priest” for Catholics who do not have time for church, prompting the Rev. Federico Lombardi, the Vatican spokesman, to respond, “One cannot speak in any way of ‘confession by iPhone.’ ”
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/10/technology/10vatican.html?_r=1&ref=world
Fortunately I would think God would accept it by whatever means … lol
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ROFL
You can hurt yourself online if you don’t know what you’re doing or you don’t how to do something.
Just in case you weren’t sure, here’s a graphic illustration in the event you need to ROFL.
If you do not know that ROFL means “Rolling on the Floor Laughing,” it is doubtful that you would know the proper time to employ it while online. In that case, even with the helpful illustration, I’d strongly advise against attempting it on your own without professional assistance.
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